Flick yeah!!

picturemechaos

That's right! I got a Flickaaaa. I'm not great with my new camera, but I sure am having fun learning it. I invite you to start my photography journey with me ;)

I've got a perfect body 'cause my eyelashes catch my sweat.

A lot of times I forget how amazing the human body is. God created us so intricately and knows us so intimately, right down to each lash on our eyes.

My second to last week at Remuda I was instructed to write a letter to myself that would be mailed six months later. Well, I recieved that letter and I want to share it with all of you.

Keira,

Slow down. Stop zoning out. Read your bible. The world won't crash if you take a break, GOD is in control.

It's none of your business what other people think of you, THE KING IS ENTHRALLED WITH YOUR BEAUTY.

You're not too busy for recovery. Tell someone what you are thinking. Feelings check. Take a yoga class. STOP people pleasing. Act opposit to your emotions. Use your voice and speak up for yourself. Center yourself on THIS moment.

PRAY. Tell God you love Him and thank Him for today. Tell the people in your life how much you love them. Stop trying to control everything and everyone.

Focus on you. You are beautiful. You are not defined by your weight. You are not disgusting because of the size of your jeans. What does your size say about who you are? Who are you? What do you want?

You want love. You want to get married and have a great job that you're passionate about. You want to be a part of something bigger than yourself.

You are funny. You are unique. You have a voice. Don't compare yourself to others because God made you separate from them. You are worthy, you have purpose, you are loved. You have courage and personality.

You fail, but who doesn't? You say the wrong things. You mess up. You're not perfect. You sin. You love God. You have an intimate relationship with Him. Never forget that you are worth it.

Love,

Keira

Is this weird?

Sometimes I turn my music up really loud, close my eyes and pretend I'm laying on stage with the band all around me. I'm at rest, but the music like chaos enfolds me.

Be Still

"Be still" really means nothing without "and known that I am God". I need a purpose for my stillness. Knowing that this amazing God is in control changes "Be still" from an aimless command to a humbling revelation. It's as though God says, "Calm down. Did you really think you were in control? Did you forget that I am God and NOT you?". He doesn't say, "I am God, now go run around doing good works to please me". That is why Christ died, God is already in love with us. He just says, "Know that I am God" and find peace in that, be still and rest in that. What action does it take to "know" something? Some brain activity, but humble meditation is all that God asks of us in this verse. Meditate and focus on the fact that He is God and nothing else matters.

I'm struggling. I'm wrong. I'm falling. I'm gone.

I've had a few people comment about how open I've been in this blog with my struggles. Some positive, some negative. I want to share my thoughts on it.

#1. Staying silent got me in a heap of trouble

#2. I want people to know specifically what they can pray for...It's one of the ways I'm asking for help

#3. I want people to know that no matter what they are struggling with, someone else is struggling too. Everyone's struggles might manifest differently, but at the end of the day we are all in pain in some shape or form. I believe Christ created us to rely on one another, but how can we truly love each other if we surface life and don't dive deep? This belief has transformed my relationships since I've been home from Remuda. Example. My friend Chaz and I have gotten real with each other. We talk about our struggles, our hopes, our dreams, our slips, our failures. We pray, we encourage, we laugh. Isn't that how Christ designed us to live?

#4. Most importantly...I want to open eyes and maybe some hearts to eating disorders. I know there are a lot of people out there still struggling silently and I want to be living proof that speaking up is the most freeing thing you could ever do. There are also a lot of people who are extremely uneducated on this disease that is quietly claiming millions worldwide and I want to help change that. Maybe if I can shed at least a little bit of light on this veiled, taboo topic, Christ will get the victory and satan will be forced to find another tactic besides ignorance.

All of that being said...I'm struggling. Please pray for me. I'm tired. I'm fighting for a desire to recover. I'm fighting for God. I'm clinging to the cross but I'm exhausted and I'm losing my grip. I hate ED. But I love him at the same time...Remuda girls, you know what I'm talking about. I miss you and love you so much.

Common Misconceptions About Eating Disorders

Misconception: Eating disorders are a choice.

Truth: People do not choose to have eating disorders. They develop over time and require appropriate treatment to address the complex medical symptoms and underlying issues.

Thoughts: No one wakes up one day says, "I think I'll stop eating...or maybe I'll start eating whatever I want and then throwing it up". It just doesn't work that way. For anyone who has ever struggled or is struggling with ED, please know that you didn't choose it but you do have a choice. You can choose recovery.

Misconception: Anorexia is “dieting gone bad”

Truth: Anorexia has nothing to do with dieting. It is a serious disorder.

Thoughts: It's never about food...

Misconception: A person with anorexia never eats at all

Truth: Anorexics do eat; however, they tend to eat smaller portions, low-calorie foods, or strange combinations. Some may eat candy bars in the morning and nothing else all day. Others may eat lettuce and mustard every few hours. The disordered eating behaviors are very individualized. Total cessation of all food intake is rare and would result in death from malnutrition in a matter of weeks.

Misconception: You can tell if a person has an eating disorder simply by appearance

Truth: You can’t. Anorexia may be easier to detect visually, although individuals may wear loose clothing to cover up weight loss. Bulimia is harder to “see” because individuals often have normal weight or may even be overweight. Some people may have obvious signs such as sudden weight loss or gain; others may not. People with an eating disorder become very effective at hiding the signs and symptoms. Thus, eating disorders can be undetected for months, years, or a lifetime.

Thoughts: Appearances can be deceiving...Never judge a book by its cover.

Misconception: Eating disorders are about appearance and beauty

Truth: Eating disorders are an illness and have little to do with food, eating, appearance, or beauty. Eating disorders are usually related to emotional issues such as control, trauma, stress, low self-esteem and often exist as part of a “dual” diagnosis of major depression, anxiety, or obsessive-compulsive disorder.

Thoughts: Diagnosed major depressive at age 17, struggle with low self-image, trauma in my past, family dynamic issues, entered ministry (enter high stress)...I'm not surprised I have an eating disorder.

Misconception: Eating disorders are caused by unhealthy and unrealistic images in the media

Truth: While sociocultural factors (such as the “thin ideal”) can contribute or trigger development of eating disorders, research has shown that the causes are multifactorial and include biological, social, and environmental contributions. Eating disorders have been documented in medical literature since the 1800s when the ideal body shape looked drastically different than today.

Thoughts: ED has been destroying lives since the 1800s...that's disgusting. I am so grateful I live in a time when, although still wildly obscure, there are a ton of resources out there and treatment options.

Misconception: You’re not sick until you’re emaciated

Truth: The common belief that a person is only truly ill if he or she becomes abnormally thin compounds the affected individuals’ perceptions of body image and nothing “good” at being “sick enough”. This can interfere with treatment and can trigger intensification of self-destructive eating disorder behaviors.

Thoughts: Bulimia can be extremely deceiving. It does not result in such drastic health effects like anorexia does, but it is not without consequences. It can result in metabolic alkalosis, which can result in apnea, the cessation of breathing during sleep, irregular heartbeat, convulsions, or a heart attack.

Misconception: You can’t suffer from more than one eating disorder

Truth: Individuals often suffer from more than one eating disorder at a time. Bulimarexia is a term that was coined to describe individuals that go back and fourth between bulimia and anorexia.

Thoughts: Me...I am called suck. (that's for you Ryan Lambros)

Throw us in the fire.

I'm retracting my previous statement about my eating disorder not being sin. Of course it's sin. And here is why...

IDOLATRY.

I am putting my eating disorder first, therefore making it an idol in my life. I wrestle with serving two masters.

Ew, that sounds so disgusting to me. I love God so much, it makes me really upset to think that I am making Him share His throne in my life. But it is great to know that He is bigger than anything I put before Him. Woo hoo!

"You are able to deliver from the fire of affliction, it's the declaration of my Lord. You're not an image of gold, you're the God of old.

You have made us.

Come and save us.

We are yours."

.Burn us up . Shane & Shane.

SCOTTSDALE BIBLE.

I checked out Scottsdale Bible Church today and I really liked it! Strangest thing, I had written down in my journal this morning that Scottsdale Bible has been on my mind for a long time so I wanted to check it out today. Then, Shan comes home and is like, "I'm going to Scottsdale Bible at 5". The

MOST ran

dom (ha) thing ever! So we went and got suckered into the college group by the crafty Asian greeter. Turns out Jay Williams was leading worship and Bret was playing guitar. Classic.

Great message...checking out the

small group next week.

MISSIONAL COMMUNITIES

I also checked out a Praxis Missional Community today and really enjoyed it. The people were super friendly. We watched the US v. Canada hockey game (sad day for US, but great game). I'm still praying and seeking where God would place me.